


Other Customs

by Vilakins



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Community: trope_bingo, Gen, Humor, Season/Series 02
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 16:46:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6574108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vilakins/pseuds/Vilakins
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blake and Avon run afoul of local customs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Other Customs

**Author's Note:**

> Trope: marriage

"Two rooms?" asked the hotel receptionist.

"We're only here for one day," Blake said, as annoyingly parsimonious as ever. "One will do."

Avon glared. "Seriously? The revolution can't pay for two rooms?"

"One will be fine, Avon. We will get separate beds."

The receptionist looked up from his computer. "I assume you're married, then." He sucked his teeth. "Two unrelated adults in one bedroom together? Have to be properly married."

Blake looked startled and Avon grinned evilly at him. "But of course we are!"

"We do have very strict rules about morality here," the receptionist said sternly. "You will have to prove your relationship."

"Fancy that," said Avon, enjoying Blake's discomfort. "We left our marriage certificate behind. It is not the first thing one thinks to pack when trying to arrange an alliance."

"Hmmph." The receptionist punched some keys. "You will have to wait here."

 

Avon rolled his eyes as he sank back into a comfortable sofa in the foyer. "Once again you have failed to plan adequately, Blake. You could have researched local customs before we arrived."

"As could you, Avon. Aren't you the second-best computer expert in the Federation?" Blake sat down beside him and leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and sighed. "Our contact is meeting us here. He can sort it out." He gave a knuckle a contemplative nibble.

 

"I'm afraid I can't," Edevi said apologetically. "We're very strict about premarital and extra-marital sex. We take our responsibilities to our spouses and prospective spouses _very_ seriously. I assume that you are indeed married as surely the famous Blake wouldn't lie, but you will still have to pass the test."

Avon's eyes narrowed. Perhaps he had taken annoying the so very annoying Blake too far. "I should hope there isn't a... practical component."

" _Avon!_ "

Edevi smirked at Blake's outraged expression. "A slight domestic rift, perhaps? These things happen occasionally. But no, you may rest assured, we observe all proprieties. Ah, here are the morality examiners now. I'll leave you to answer their questions."

 

The examiners were a serious and rather pinched looking pair dressed in grey. "I am Yeron," said the older woman who seemed to be almost all grey to match her clothes, "and this is Kedu." Kedu had dark hair pulled painfully tightly back; she looked no more friendly than Yeron.

Blake did not think much of their chances. "Pleased to meet you," he said genially. "Are you two married, by any chance?"

"Certainly not!" Kedu handed Blake a data pad, and Yeron gave one to Avon. "You will answer the same questions separately. You will not make any comments about any question until you have answered and you hear a chime indicating a pass. Is that clear?"

"Look, we haven't actually done anything other than ask for a room—" Blake started.

"When two would hardly have broken the _Liberator_ treasury," Avon said acidly.

"So surely we can simply book two rooms and leave it at that?"

Yeron shook her head, her mouth compressed in a prim line. "You stated that you were married and you asked for a single room. As you have no proof with you, you now have to take the test."

"And if we fail?"

"Ten years in prison."

_"What!"_

"We're very progressive these days," said Yeron.

"A century ago it would have been beheading," said Kedu.

Avon flashed Blake a look and slid his eyes towards his bracelet.

"No, Avon," Blake said softly. "This is an important hub. I came here to make an alliance and have every intention of doing so."

"Very well." Avon smiled a crocodile smile and added equally quietly, "Just remember: marriage is just one of many relationships. If you think about it, that may help."

"We will start now. The questions will come up one by one," Kedu said sternly. "Answer immediately, no hesitating."

The data pads lit up with: **Question 1: When did you meet?**

  * Blake typed: _18 months ago_
  * Avon typed: _1 year, 7.33334 months ago_.
  * Both pads chimed.



"Acceptable," said Yeron.

"A day that I regret bitterly," said Avon.

Blake glared. "First impressions count for so much," he said. "I shouldn't have ignored mine."

**Question 2: Where?**

  * Blake: The _London_.
  * Avon: On a particularly insalubrious inter-system transport.
  * [chime]



"Given the other... passengers, he showed up in a surprisingly attractive light," said Avon.

Blake grinned, startling Avon slightly. "Why, thank you."

**Question 3: What most attracted you to your partner?**

  * Blake: His intelligence.
  * Avon: I thought he might alleviate the boredom.
  * [no chime]



Both Avon and Blake looked up, puzzled.

"You will both have to answer the next question before assessment," said Yeron austerely.

**Question 4: What most attracted your partner to you?**

  * Avon: My superior intelligence.
  * Blake: The idealism that he is so in need of.
  * [soft chime]



"Not a complete match, but all answers count." Kedu smiled thinly.

"I agree. All knowledge is useful," said Avon.

"As you keep saying with irritating frequency," Blake snapped.

**Question 5: When did you marry?**

  * Blake (thinking, _Surely that was when we took over the Liberator?):_ 14 months ago.
  * Avon (thinking, _the Liberator was the point of no return)_ : 1 year, 2.66667 months ago.
  * [chime]



"Not that you ever remember our anniversary," Blake said, getting into the spirit of the thing.

"Given that we were in deep space, there was no local time system and therefore any agreed-upon date. Also, I suspect that your idea of an anniversary would be visiting a planet anyone with a modicum of common sense would stay parsecs away from and putting my life in danger. And _no_ ," Avon added, "the thought does _not_ count."

**Question 6: Which side of the bed does your partner sleep on?**

  * Avon: the left.
  * Blake: the right.
  * [chime]



"It matches his bleeding-heart politics," said Avon.

"Very appropriately, as he always thinks he's right," said Blake.

**Question 7: What most irritates you about your partner?**

  * Avon: The way he chews at his fingers and knuckles.
  * Blake: That supercilious look.
  * [soft chime]



"Once again, an open question," said Yeron.

"Do you wish to add anything?" said Kedu.

"Yes, I do. There's also the way he stands far too close when he's talking to me," said Blake. "He only does it to annoy me."

"Sheer affection, Blake. There's how he always says he'll give people a say in his sweeping decisions and never does. So much for his high ideals of democracy."

"And if I did? You'd argue with anything I suggested for the sheer hell of it."

"Look at him, he's doing it now—gnawing away at his fingers. I'm amazed he has any left."

"I'm amazed I have any _hair_ left with the way you exasperate me. Just _look_ at his face. Eyebrows up and peering down his great long nose at me as if I'm something beneath his notice!"

Yeron and Kedu stood up. "You've passed," Yeron said, gathering the pads.

"We can always tell a married couple from that last question," said Kedu. "And," she added to Yeron as they walked away, "people wonder why I've never wanted to marry."

Edevi bustled over to join them, the room key in his hand. "Congratulations on passing, and of course, on being married. It will count for a lot in the meeting." He smiled like a fond uncle. "If you leave your things in your room, I'll take you out to dinner." His smile turned cloying. "There's a very romantic restaurant just around the corner."

 

"Spare me," said Avon as they walked to the lift.

"Oh, but you look so fetching in soft lighting." Blake threw back his head and roared with laughter.

"Look, Blake," Avon said as the lift doors closed. "I'll go along with this ridiculous charade as long as no one on the _Liberator_ ever finds out."

"Avon, I have no intention of ever letting the crew know." Blake shook his head with dawning horror. "Imagine what Vila would do with it."

"For many years to come." Avon closed his eyes briefly. "By the way, I hope you don't snore."

Blake grinned. "I have no idea. But I do enjoy singing in the shower. Rousing, rebellious songs," he said with glee.

"Well, now." Avon looked down his nose, "It so happens that I have a teleport bracelet. And a nice quiet cabin on the _Liberator_."


End file.
